Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
