Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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