so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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