All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
