his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
