Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
