maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
