I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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