Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
