Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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