Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
