Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
