When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
