it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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