Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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