I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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