it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
