It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
