my vag is so smooth its legendary
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
