Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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