My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he was CRYING into my vagina
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
