It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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