so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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