Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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