Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
