Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
