I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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