Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
