We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
