Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
