WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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