she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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