Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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