first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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