420 ftw
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
