The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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