i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
