The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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