there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
