I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
