is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
