dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
