the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
