My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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