I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
