i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
