I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
