I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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