Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
