the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
