she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
