I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
