loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
