the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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