Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
