is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
