You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
